I'm even older

I'm 22 now! Ugh. I'm a week late because I was too busy nostalgia-creeping on Sally's wall to be reminded of my birthday on my own.

In gym we had a health class about sugar. I murdered the sugar content quiz. Murdererrdr.

I'm older

I've been pretty busy obsessing over tournament stats and working on my rap career, so I haven't posted in a while, but today, I'm feeling philosophical.

Birthday. What is a birthday? A combination of two one-syllabled words, one a noun, and the other a noun that serves as an adjective. I like birthdays all right. But you know what I like more? Horsemeat. Nutrage. Spacedong. Those are some classy words.

One more classy word: shotgun. It's time for me to go do that to some shitty beer. Happy 21st, me!

Don't call it a comeback.

Mission: accomplished

I'm still uncomfortably headachey. That's right, bitches, it's been 24 hours plus a 3-hour practice. I do what I say and I say what I do. Plus, Dan cleaned the sink. I'm the man!

There's still puke in our sink

It smells like ass in there. Where's Connie? I'm not cleaning it up.

So far so good

I'm uncomfortably headachey. Also, someone puked in our sink last night. Ugh.

Tonight's itinerary

First, we're having a team meeting in the suite where we establish goals for next semester. I'm pumped because I might get to make a speech about committing to going to practice and getting in shape and kicking ass at Wilmington. I love making speeches.

Then, we're pregaming for the COÖP party in our suite. I'm gonna challenge Greg to a speed-drinking contest and make him eat my ass. He's gonna eat it hard, too, because I've been practicing shotgunning Natty Ices for months. I love hazing rookies.

Finally, we're going to Sari and Abby's for the COÖP party. I'm gonna get so hazardously shit-faced that I feel uncomfortably headachey for the next 24 hours. I love getting hazardously shit-faced.

What if your name was Fuckles?

That's it. I'm just wondering. What if? That'd be pretty crazy, right?