Take that

I am a mastermind of fake e-mail accounts, mass messaging, and redemptive blogging. Assuming Lili's the only one who was in on the creation of my own fake blog.... Eh, so what if she wasn't? I'm the fucking man. EAT MY ASS, LIL' GOOBER!!!

Bert only dates Zerglings. And the occasional Terran.

Vindication, motherfuckers

Not that I've been checking scores, but Yale just lost in the fourth quarter. Suck it, assholes! Eat my poop!

I've been abandoned

Bert, Lili, and Connie are all in New Haven watching the Harvard-Yale Game. Ugh. Who watches sports when the Denver Nuggets aren't involved? I hope Yale loses in the fourth quarter. That'll teach them for not inviting me to come along. Not that I would, because, again, who watches sports when the Denver Nuggets aren't involved?

I'm old

Because it's my birthday,
I present this acrostic
Reporting, dear readers,
That I'm the fucking man, dick!
Happy 2-0 to this guy--
Dude's too awesome for words
And with Pork skills so nasty,
You'll be faked out in herds.

Please give me cool presents
Or at least let me win Smash.
Eat my ass, do my homework--
My big day's here at last!

Bert made this for me. And put it on my Facebook. Touché, Alphonso Chen.

Super Smash Bros.: a theory

Maybe I'm bad at Smash because I haven't been making the right gaming faces. We played again after practice tonight, and despite there being many newcomers, I was still the worst by far. I was so bad that I got frustrated, stopped playing, and started watching people play instead. I concluded several things.

While Bert and I both make similar open-mouthed concentrating faces, he maintains his throughout the entire game, while mine tends to waver and change at times. I don't know how he does it -- must've taken years of practice. But it also seems like it definitely helps him.

Note how his barely changes while mine is all over the place. What a pro.

I also tend not to hold my game face while watching other people game. I think this has been a mistake. Bert watches third-party matches with almost the same intense game face he exhibits while he plays; I definitely have to start reminding myself to stay in the zone.

We'll see how I do next time around. It's been a pretty rough night, but with a little facial tweaking, I think I'll finally get it.

What not to do.

Nyah hah hah hah

I made this today. And put it on Bert's Facebook. Oh yeah! This is so funny. I got him so good. I got him so good, I most certainly am the man.

Flock of Berts!

Something weird and wonderful just happened to me

I had an action-packed day today. I woke up at 2 PM, which is pretty early for a weekend, and went downtown to see a friend for lunch. Then -- and this is where it gets weird -- I met up with Bert and Milo to go to this art exhibit called Zee. I can't find the exact words to describe it, but imagine for a moment that you spend twenty minutes getting skull-fucked by an incredible geometric projector-fog illusion, then go meet up with Lili and Genevieve for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner home-cooked by Milo's mom. I'd say that's pretty close.

Am I having a seizure? Am I dead? No way to tell.

...We're a happy family!

Ass-eating accomplished

15-9 over NYU -- ass was eaten.
14-5 over James Madison -- ass was devoured.

In the end, we lost universe point to Delaware in finals, but I'm surprisingly okay emotionally. I think this is because on the ride back home, we came up with sick names for every one of this year's Winter League teams:

• The Alphonso Chens
• The Alb0rt Ch0ns
• The Dongleberts
• Flock of Berts

Tentative jersey designs include Bert's face with a mustache, Bert's face on a bird, and Bert's face in a repeating paisley pattern across the entire front and back of a shirt.

N0mn0mn0m, I'm Alb0rt Ch0n. Put my face on your clothes, bitch.

More like video LAME

I'm sad. Bert and Milo and Dan keep hanging out and playing video games. First it was HoN, then MarioKart, and now Smash. They know how bad I am at video games! Ugh, even Connie's better than I am. I bet Genevieve and Lili would be, too, if they ever tried. I hope they don't. I can't be the worst.

Anyway, today they were playing for so long that I ended up doing my econ homework -- the entire problem set! Can you believe it? Then I got tired and fell asleep on the table. Don't get me wrong; I love playing video games. I was even the one who bought our N64. But being bad at stuff sucks.

I'm so cute! I'm dreaming of the Super Smash Bros. Eating my ass.

I'm fucking bored

Ugh, everyone's gone for fall break. I guess I'll take a brief hiatus from blogging. There's nothing to write about, anyway. No one's here to entertain me. No one's even home. No Bert to warn against soda! No Milo to pork! The only way this suite could get farther from normal is if Dan showed up. I'm all alone, NinjaVideo my only friend.