Take that

I am a mastermind of fake e-mail accounts, mass messaging, and redemptive blogging. Assuming Lili's the only one who was in on the creation of my own fake blog.... Eh, so what if she wasn't? I'm the fucking man. EAT MY ASS, LIL' GOOBER!!!

Bert only dates Zerglings. And the occasional Terran.

I'm old

Because it's my birthday,
I present this acrostic
Reporting, dear readers,
That I'm the fucking man, dick!
Happy 2-0 to this guy--
Dude's too awesome for words
And with Pork skills so nasty,
You'll be faked out in herds.

Please give me cool presents
Or at least let me win Smash.
Eat my ass, do my homework--
My big day's here at last!

Bert made this for me. And put it on my Facebook. Touché, Alphonso Chen.

Super Smash Bros.: a theory

Maybe I'm bad at Smash because I haven't been making the right gaming faces. We played again after practice tonight, and despite there being many newcomers, I was still the worst by far. I was so bad that I got frustrated, stopped playing, and started watching people play instead. I concluded several things.

While Bert and I both make similar open-mouthed concentrating faces, he maintains his throughout the entire game, while mine tends to waver and change at times. I don't know how he does it -- must've taken years of practice. But it also seems like it definitely helps him.

Note how his barely changes while mine is all over the place. What a pro.

I also tend not to hold my game face while watching other people game. I think this has been a mistake. Bert watches third-party matches with almost the same intense game face he exhibits while he plays; I definitely have to start reminding myself to stay in the zone.

We'll see how I do next time around. It's been a pretty rough night, but with a little facial tweaking, I think I'll finally get it.

What not to do.

More like video LAME

I'm sad. Bert and Milo and Dan keep hanging out and playing video games. First it was HoN, then MarioKart, and now Smash. They know how bad I am at video games! Ugh, even Connie's better than I am. I bet Genevieve and Lili would be, too, if they ever tried. I hope they don't. I can't be the worst.

Anyway, today they were playing for so long that I ended up doing my econ homework -- the entire problem set! Can you believe it? Then I got tired and fell asleep on the table. Don't get me wrong; I love playing video games. I was even the one who bought our N64. But being bad at stuff sucks.

I'm so cute! I'm dreaming of the Super Smash Bros. Eating my ass.