Still not too old

Today marks a very important day in my life, because it's the 365th-to-last day I'll be able to pawn car-renting responsibilities off on someone else.  I mean, obviously I'll still be lazy as balls and make other people do it for me years from now, but this is the last year I can do that without anyone suspecting I'm lazy as balls.

So eat my ass and rent me a car, turds.  I'm 24!

I'm even olderer

I'm getting pretty wise in my old age.  Wise and enigmatic.

For example, here are a few things I have tweeted recently:

Nobody likes you when you're 23.  Except the Twitterverse.  Follow me, bitches.

P.S.

I'm even older

I'm 22 now! Ugh. I'm a week late because I was too busy nostalgia-creeping on Sally's wall to be reminded of my birthday on my own.

In gym we had a health class about sugar. I murdered the sugar content quiz. Murdererrdr.

I'm older

I've been pretty busy obsessing over tournament stats and working on my rap career, so I haven't posted in a while, but today, I'm feeling philosophical.

Birthday. What is a birthday? A combination of two one-syllabled words, one a noun, and the other a noun that serves as an adjective. I like birthdays all right. But you know what I like more? Horsemeat. Nutrage. Spacedong. Those are some classy words.

One more classy word: shotgun. It's time for me to go do that to some shitty beer. Happy 21st, me!

Don't call it a comeback.

Okay, now I really need them to come back

Milo and I don't really know how to clean all this birthday aftermath up. We washed a pot to make Annie's Mac and Cheese today, but now it's dirty again, and so is everything else, and we're lost and confused and don't know what to do.

This looks exactly like it did 48 hours ago.

I'm old

Because it's my birthday,
I present this acrostic
Reporting, dear readers,
That I'm the fucking man, dick!
Happy 2-0 to this guy--
Dude's too awesome for words
And with Pork skills so nasty,
You'll be faked out in herds.

Please give me cool presents
Or at least let me win Smash.
Eat my ass, do my homework--
My big day's here at last!

Bert made this for me. And put it on my Facebook. Touché, Alphonso Chen.

I'm almost old

It's my birthday tomorrow. Man, I can't believe I'm turning 20.

Well, I can believe I'm turning 20, because I'm 19 now, and it's my birthday tomorrow, and I'm not, like, some kind of moping idiot that goes around complaining about how 20 means not being a teenager or a free-spirited child or whatever anymore. Dick.

No, I'm just confused because I think I might have to start celebrating or something pretty soon, but all I really want to do is sit here watching Ninjavideo and drifting off to sleep early to the sweet, soothing sounds of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia without a care in the world.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. See you on the flip side, suckers.

Oh yeah

Also, it was Dan's birthday today and we made Funfetti cake and I had waaay too much sugar. Ugh.

Happy diabetes, Waldo.