Dammit

I just realized Sally was at our party. She texted me! Why did I pass out so early? Now I'm sad.

I will console myself with copious amounts of Cheez-Its and TV.

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow?

Meow meow!

Cleaning isn't that bad

I just threw away four brown paper HamDel bags, six V8 cans, and fifteen Cheez-It bags in one fell swoop! Then I found an empty Cheez-It box and a Styrofoam container full of old Chinese food under the couch, and threw them both away -- even the one that wasn't mine! I am such a productive member of this suite. Plus, I got to keep all the change I found in the couch. EC vending machines, here I come!

One man's trash is another man's measure

I really like leaving my shit around the suite. I feel kind of like a cat marking his territory, you know? Everyone else leaves their anonymous little cups and plates and food wrappers lying around, but I think my trash really stands out. Who else's V8 cans and Cheez-It bags would those be? Who else would dedicate the time and apathy to building such imposing sock mountains? That's right, bitch -- that patch of floor by the couch and the laundry chairs is mine.

The world is my litter box.

Deli sandwich overload

In addition to there being no Cheez-Its in the vending machines last night, there weren't any cans of V8 at HamDel. I'm pretty sure that's what threw me off my game, because I ended up eating HamDel three times yesterday. One of those times, I even got gummy worms. Fuck, that's a lot of sugar! Hopefully, things will go back to normal soon. If not, I may have to start drinking V8 out of the bottle. Ugh. Cans are so much better.

Welcome to my blog, dick.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, and I've decided to start writing them down. Did you know, for example, that a 12-ounce can of V8 contains 11 whole grams of sugar? I've been thinking about this recently, and even though 11 grams isn't bad compared to the 39 grams found in a can of soda, the 42 grams found in just ten gummy worms, and the whopping 230 grams found in just one cup of sugar, I'll admit it's been making me a little sad.

Then, yesterday, I found out the EC vending machines were completely out of Cheez-Its, and I got really sad. So after I got back from practice, I asked myself how other people make themselves feel better in depressing situations. That's how this blog was born.

So if you're here to tease me or mock me or generally be a jerk about the fact that I have a blog, go do something pointlessly douchey with your own life and stay the fuck away from mine, prick. If you're here because you were wandering the internet and got lost, this should get you back on track. If you're here to read and learn and be entertained by my thoughts, welcome...you can stay, I guess.