I'm even olderer

I'm getting pretty wise in my old age.  Wise and enigmatic.

For example, here are a few things I have tweeted recently:

Nobody likes you when you're 23.  Except the Twitterverse.  Follow me, bitches.

P.S.

Ass-eating accomplished

15-9 over NYU -- ass was eaten.
14-5 over James Madison -- ass was devoured.

In the end, we lost universe point to Delaware in finals, but I'm surprisingly okay emotionally. I think this is because on the ride back home, we came up with sick names for every one of this year's Winter League teams:

• The Alphonso Chens
• The Alb0rt Ch0ns
• The Dongleberts
• Flock of Berts

Tentative jersey designs include Bert's face with a mustache, Bert's face on a bird, and Bert's face in a repeating paisley pattern across the entire front and back of a shirt.

N0mn0mn0m, I'm Alb0rt Ch0n. Put my face on your clothes, bitch.

Why individual cans are better than economy-sized bottles

They just are. If you're not convinced, take a look at this list I made of other people's lame arguments against cans and my flawless rebuttals:

• But they contain smaller volumes of liquid! They're pre-portioned, man. That's so perfect for helping people measure and limit their sugar intake -- especially people who lack self-control when it comes to drinking V8 (and who doesn't?).
  
• But they're comparably more expensive! I gladly pay for comfort and convenience. What's better than an ice-cold can of vegetable juice, all ready to go and perfect for pairing with a hot HamDel sandwich? (Besides Natty Ice, of course.)
  
• But they're not sold everywhere! Neither are bottles, douchewad. And cans are sold in the only place that really matters -- HamDel.
• But they negatively impact the environment! So do bottles, douchewad. Also? Fuck the environment.