I'm older

I've been pretty busy obsessing over tournament stats and working on my rap career, so I haven't posted in a while, but today, I'm feeling philosophical.

Birthday. What is a birthday? A combination of two one-syllabled words, one a noun, and the other a noun that serves as an adjective. I like birthdays all right. But you know what I like more? Horsemeat. Nutrage. Spacedong. Those are some classy words.

One more classy word: shotgun. It's time for me to go do that to some shitty beer. Happy 21st, me!

Don't call it a comeback.

Tonight's itinerary

First, we're having a team meeting in the suite where we establish goals for next semester. I'm pumped because I might get to make a speech about committing to going to practice and getting in shape and kicking ass at Wilmington. I love making speeches.

Then, we're pregaming for the COÖP party in our suite. I'm gonna challenge Greg to a speed-drinking contest and make him eat my ass. He's gonna eat it hard, too, because I've been practicing shotgunning Natty Ices for months. I love hazing rookies.

Finally, we're going to Sari and Abby's for the COÖP party. I'm gonna get so hazardously shit-faced that I feel uncomfortably headachey for the next 24 hours. I love getting hazardously shit-faced.

I feel a little better

Now it's time for bed. I think I'll have myself a Natty Ice.

...Yeah, now that I said that, I guess I have to. And I guess I'll shotgun it, too. Yeah! Beer!

I'm gonna win

We're having a party tonight. Oh yeah.
It's a Lobster Rage Fist party. Oh yeah.
We're taping Natty Ice to the walls. Oh yeah.
And I'm hosting a Pork/Porquay Pre-Game with a really cheap buy-in so lots of people get to play and I get to fucking school them all. Oh yeah!

Once I incorporate these lobster hands into my fakes, I'll truly be unstoppable.

Why individual cans are better than economy-sized bottles

They just are. If you're not convinced, take a look at this list I made of other people's lame arguments against cans and my flawless rebuttals:

• But they contain smaller volumes of liquid! They're pre-portioned, man. That's so perfect for helping people measure and limit their sugar intake -- especially people who lack self-control when it comes to drinking V8 (and who doesn't?).
  
• But they're comparably more expensive! I gladly pay for comfort and convenience. What's better than an ice-cold can of vegetable juice, all ready to go and perfect for pairing with a hot HamDel sandwich? (Besides Natty Ice, of course.)
  
• But they're not sold everywhere! Neither are bottles, douchewad. And cans are sold in the only place that really matters -- HamDel.
• But they negatively impact the environment! So do bottles, douchewad. Also? Fuck the environment.