Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Meow meow?

Meow meow!

Cleaning is bad again

Laundry sucks. Suck my poop, Four Absurdly Large Loads of Laundry I Have to Lug All the Way Across the Hall in the Middle of the Night. Suck it long and suck it hard.

I have an absurdly large load for you to suck on, too.

Cleaning isn't that bad

I just threw away four brown paper HamDel bags, six V8 cans, and fifteen Cheez-It bags in one fell swoop! Then I found an empty Cheez-It box and a Styrofoam container full of old Chinese food under the couch, and threw them both away -- even the one that wasn't mine! I am such a productive member of this suite. Plus, I got to keep all the change I found in the couch. EC vending machines, here I come!

Turning over a new leaf

Okay, I feel a little bad about how much of the suite's mess is my fault these days (about 90% of it). I just started noticing the trash everywhere this past week, probably because Connie hasn't been home to clean it up. Anyway, I've decided to help by picking up a few of my things and maybe vacuuming a couple easily-accessible patches of carpet. Updates to follow.

One man's trash is another man's measure

I really like leaving my shit around the suite. I feel kind of like a cat marking his territory, you know? Everyone else leaves their anonymous little cups and plates and food wrappers lying around, but I think my trash really stands out. Who else's V8 cans and Cheez-It bags would those be? Who else would dedicate the time and apathy to building such imposing sock mountains? That's right, bitch -- that patch of floor by the couch and the laundry chairs is mine.

The world is my litter box.

Why individual cans are better than economy-sized bottles

They just are. If you're not convinced, take a look at this list I made of other people's lame arguments against cans and my flawless rebuttals:

• But they contain smaller volumes of liquid! They're pre-portioned, man. That's so perfect for helping people measure and limit their sugar intake -- especially people who lack self-control when it comes to drinking V8 (and who doesn't?).
  
• But they're comparably more expensive! I gladly pay for comfort and convenience. What's better than an ice-cold can of vegetable juice, all ready to go and perfect for pairing with a hot HamDel sandwich? (Besides Natty Ice, of course.)
  
• But they're not sold everywhere! Neither are bottles, douchewad. And cans are sold in the only place that really matters -- HamDel.
• But they negatively impact the environment! So do bottles, douchewad. Also? Fuck the environment.
  

Deli sandwich overload

In addition to there being no Cheez-Its in the vending machines last night, there weren't any cans of V8 at HamDel. I'm pretty sure that's what threw me off my game, because I ended up eating HamDel three times yesterday. One of those times, I even got gummy worms. Fuck, that's a lot of sugar! Hopefully, things will go back to normal soon. If not, I may have to start drinking V8 out of the bottle. Ugh. Cans are so much better.